Life’s Perversities

The twists and turns of the human psyche are sometimes truly weird. Today I was about to put lotion on my right calf when I noticed I had a rash. Later, as I mentally inventoried my closet to select appropriate clothing for a panel presentation, I dismissed a skirt without a second thought because of this rash.
I have scars all over the place including my legs and I never think twice about shorts or skirts. One small, temporary rash and I’m reaching for concealing pants. Objectively, it’s… screwy.
I think it’s fascinating what we integrate into our self concept and thus do not question versus the things that throw us for a loop. Often the little things are the mountains while the truly huge
things have shrunk to molehills.
Known as schadenfreude, humans can take great joy in the fact that they are not enduring the tragedy of another. How come we cannot find the same solace when it comes to our own lives? Sure, I have a rash on my leg, but in comparison to the other things I’ve managed to integrate into a positive body image, a few red bumps are nothing.
Yet even as I write this and see the logic behind my words, I cannot help but think, Yuck. Nobody wants to see such an ugly thing.” I’ve definitely proven I am a mere human with the same perversities as the rest of our species.

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About Jen

After acquiring a degree from Vassar College in psychology, I moved to Western Mass where I ran a peer mentoring network for disabled college students as well as activism and organizing around disability issues. I also conducted research on disabled women’s body image. An Upstate New York native, I eventually followed my heliotropic nature to the sun of Southern California. I divide my time between writing (disability fiction and essays) along with moderating San Diego Bisexual Forum which is one of the oldest groups of its kind in the country. In my off hours I can often be found in my neighborhood live music venue enjoying our local talent.

One thought on “Life’s Perversities

  1. hello, I am also a disabled woman and paralysed from the neck downwards following the removal of the brain tumour. I have been like this now for nearly 2 1/2 years and I am not used to it yet. I am blogging about them and find it helpful to vent my feelings this way. I’m going to follow your blog and I’ll appreciate it if you could take a look at my one please.
    all the best

    Emily Xx

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