Imagine this: You are sitting at the table, enjoying a meal at a friend’s home. There is a lovely muffin on your plate that would be fabulous with butter. Nobody has yet mentioned the existence of butter and without being able to see, you have no idea if it is on the table or not.
If you ask and it is not there, then somebody will jump up to retrieve it. As much as you’d like the butter, you don’t want to inconvenience anyone.
This dilemma happens to me all the time. I hate the feeling of not knowing if I’m requesting something that will take a moment to passs or will cause drama to locate.
The situation is not limited to food and meals. At the moment, I am trying to figure out how to determine if my yoga studeo has a community board where I can post a flyer. Should I ask and it not exist, the staff is the sort to go to excessive lengths to somehow make an exception or create one or something. Given that I don’t want that, how do I ask to gain information without spurring anyone to excessive lengths?
In the guest scenario, if I were the host, I don’t think it would be an inconvenience to get up and get the butter. If I knew you wanted something and weren’t asking because you thought it would inconvenience me, I’d be sad.
I’m not sure about the other scenario. That’s more in line with the sort of thing I grapple with as a wheelchair user – is today the day and is this the thing about which to make a stand? Is it even worth it?